


in transit

by melones



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kim Jongin | Kai-centric, Second person POV, bus rides where pure infatuation happens, he's not indie, in my standards at least, kai loves bubblegum pop songs, nothing bad happens, sorry to break it to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-11-02 06:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20649509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melones/pseuds/melones
Summary: you remember her face more than you remember her voice, or the touch of her hand. you’ve been next to her, yet never close enough to finally say something more than just small and casual conversations.or, when jongin only finds her in transit, and never in any other place. he only finds her in the in-betweens.





	in transit

**Author's Note:**

> this story kind of stemmed from my 3am thoughts of two people meeting in a small place, but never really meeting each other formally outside of public transportation because while you two can find each other in the in-betweens, the city is still a huge place. chance encounters won't always work the way you want them to.

The first time you see her, she is waiting for the bus. One earpod is dangling from where the wire splits in the middle, and the other earpod is inserted in her ear - covered entirely by her hair. You take a good look at her face, and her features are delicate yet intimidating. her forehead is covered by a thin fringe, but from where you stand, you can see the crease. 

It enthralls you how one mundane scene in your everyday life could surprise you so much to the point of being stunned long enough to almost-miss the bus. The mysterious girl gives you one small look before getting on the bus - the very same bus you’re going to take. Your heart flutters ever so slightly. 

Your mother always warned you about strangers, especially when you were younger - but she never quite warned you about strangers with pretty faces and a mysterious aura that draws you in like light does to moths. 

She shakes up your world with a single smile before she goes down her stop. 

You see her for the second time in a bullet train going to Busan. She’s sitting across from you with a girl who looks like her, you assume right away that she’s with her sister. They’re sharing the same set of earbuds and you can see just how much her sister dotes on her. It’s the kind of admiration and familial tie that you can’t help but to feel jealous of. 

While you are staring, she catches your eyes and she gives you a little smile. You don’t know if she recognizes you from the bus a week ago, but you’d like to think she does, because no one just smiles like that without carrying a single hint of familiarity. 

Desperately, you want to go over there and talk to her. you want to shake her hand and say the words:  _ Hi I’m Kim Jongin,  _ and return back the smile she gave you with utmost sincerity. 

The hardest part of that desperation, though, is when you know that you couldn’t. There’s no reason for you to introduce yourself to her, especially not when you’ve only seen her in public transportation twice. So you settle for just smiling at her every time you catch each other’s eyes, and she does the same. 

This time, it’s a bus going to the countryside. You’re half asleep, listening to overrated western music through your earbuds when someone slides in the seat next to you. You would have ignored her, would have just continued to lean your head against the window of the bus and listen to your stupid music, but there’s something that makes you want to turn your head to the side. 

It’s her. the very girl you’re oh-so-interested in. She looks tired, like the world has collapsed on her small shoulders. You reckon that she’s probably so tired hence the reason why she didn’t look at you. She closes her eyes instead and leans against the headrest of the bus. (Suddenly, you think buses should have more comfortable chairs, or maybe that’s just your bias towards the beautiful girl you’ve encountered more than once.) 

The duration of the train ride is probably shorter than it feels right now and you are perfectly aware of this, but the bus ride feels endless. It feels like there’s no shortage of time, or a concept of time at all as you look at the girl sleeping on your shoulder.

There’s a strand of hair right in front of her face that gets blown away by her every exhale and you want to tuck it behind her ear. It scares you though, wanting to touch her and knowing full well that you can’t just go around touching strangers you’ve met more than once - especially strangers that you feel like you might sort of, have a crush on. 

You’re a civilized person, though, and you know that you can’t do what you want to do despite the intention being innocent (your mom has told you that far too many times). So you lean your head against the window once more and doze off to sleep. 

A jolting sensation awakens you and you realize that the bus driver had stepped on the brake abruptly. The pretty stranger beside you woke up too, and you give her a sympathetic smile - a sign that you too have had your sleep disturbed by the sudden stopping of the vehicle. A few seconds later, the bus goes back to it’s normal pacing, and the two of you lean back once more against the chair. 

You don’t know if it’s a sudden spark of courage, or if you’re just raised to be kind, but you offered her your other earbud and she accepts it from you with the kind of smile that makes you heart fly around in circles. 

With a bit of shame and nervousness (you’re afraid that she’ll judge your music taste, and you don’t know this yet, but she’s already judged the amount of Shawn Mendes playing on your phone while she was “sleeping” on your shoulder to even care about the next set of songs you’re going to play) you create a queue filled with indie songs because they look like they’re the ones that could impress her the most. 

It’s quite satisfying to see her hum along to some of the songs playing on your phone. While it’s not much, it’s still something that gives you two a common ground. 

The bus ride lasts for another three hours. You wanted it to become something climactic, something thrilling that you’d tell you grandmother about when you finally get to her vacation house, but then again there’s nothing thrilling by listening to music without talking. (Though a few hours later, you’d come to terms with the fact that maybe listening to music together is a form of communication already.) You want to say something, to make yourself more memorable to her, but nothing ever comes out of your mouth. 

So you settle for this. This anticlimactic interaction that holds a meaning for you, and maybe for her but you don’t want to assume, where you two just sat there in silence, listening to the music on your phone. There’s something charming in that meeting anyway. 

You hope that you will meet her again soon, though. 

The moment she steps out of the bus (ahead of you), she looks back to say: “I know you have a bunch of overrated pop songs in your music library. You didn’t have to do a three-sixty just because you shared it with me, but thanks.” and then she leaves just like that, without even saying her name. 

You want to chase after her, to run and ask her what’s her name, why she’s going to the countryside - of all places, if she loves her sister just as much as you assumed she does, and if you two will meet again. She disappears though. Falls into invisibility within the crowd of people in the bus terminal, leaving your eyesight and possibly the rest of your life too. 

At the moment, there is only hope that maybe you two will meet once more, especially after this fateful meeting. 

Six months pass by before you see her again. This time, her hair is cut short, it stops just below her collarbones and the ends are curled in. She reminds you of those intimidating women you only ever thought of dating, but never even try because you know just how hard it is to win them over. Maybe she’s like that too, you think. 

Memories of your last meeting with her in the bus to the countryside though makes you think that maybe… maybe she’s not like those girls, and that it’s simply just you adjusting to the new look. 

Fate must be on your side because she takes the empty seat beside you in the bus again. It’s not the trip to the countryside, and you reckon she’ll probably get off in a few stops, but it doesn’t stop you from thinking about spending all eternity in a bus ride with her. 

You two sit in silence. The look of exhaustion is visible across her features, and soon enough, she falls asleep on your shoulder. You don’t know where her stop is (you couldn’t ask because she’s already fast asleep), and you’re already three stops past yours (it’s okay, you think, there’s always a taxi), but you don’t wake her up. 

You allow her to get the rest she deserves, and probably needs by not disrupting her seemingly pleasant sleep. If she’s way past her stop? Then you’ll willingly pay for her cab fare, you just received your paycheck for the month anyway, and there’s no urgent business you’re supposed to pay for, so you’re willing to give your money to a pretty stranger. No problem at all. 

It takes her ten minutes before she wakes up, and she immediately shoots up. She probably saw that she’s way past her stop and when she gets off, you follow suit. 

“Hey!” You call after her as soon as you get off the bus. 

She halts for a moment and looks behind her. You laugh because there’s no one else in the world that could possibly make you look in their direction when she’s around. “Are you speaking to me?” Her forehead is creased. 

“Yes, you. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up, I didn’t know where your stop is, and I didn’t want to wake you up either since you look so tired.” You give her an apologetic smile. 

“Oh shit. Did I fall asleep on your shoulder?” She asks, her words are spoken faster than the normal pacing of how she speaks. “Please tell me I didn’t.” 

The only response you give is an even wider smile of apology and sympathy. 

“God, I am so sorry. Don’t tell me I made you miss your stop, too.” She asks once more. 

Again, silence and a smile. 

“Fuck,” She whispers out loud, and you find it slightly adorable. “I’m so sorry. Let me replace the amount left in your transit card.” 

“You don’t have to.” You smile and as if on cue, a cab appears. You hail it right away. “You look tired, so I just let you. Besides, I have enough money for the lost amount on that transit ticket anyway.” 

She sighs, and bites her lower lip. “Are you sure? Come on, at least let me repay you.” 

Her insistence is somewhat cute, but you find yourself refusing. “Just get in the cab and go home so you can rest.” 

You notice the way her eyes flicker from you to the cab, and back to the street - the now empty street somewhere in Mapo-gu. She takes one last inhale before finally conceding as she lets out the breath she’d held. 

“Thank you. You’re always so nice, you know that?” She smiles at him before sliding into the backseat of the cab. You smile back at her, not saying anything more than just a  _ take care _ . Before the car drives off, you give the driver an ample amount of payment and a warning to take care of her or else he’ll lose his job. 

It takes you a few more minutes before it sinks in to you that she remembers you. The smile on your face is so bright it could rival the sun’s by the moment you walk into your apartment, carrying the memories of today’s bus ride with you.

Three years is like a blur to you. University and part-time jobs turn into unpaid internships that turn into nine-to-five desk jobs in cramped office cubicles where there’s more employees than they could pay. You find that you should have invested in your art instead of pursuing something remotely connected to commerce and business.

“You can still turn back though,” Your colleague, Lee Taemin, tells you. You realize that you probably said things out loud. Lee Taemin only a few months older than you, but he graduated way before you did and only works here just to fund his up and coming photography business. 

“Not when I haven’t drawn anything in months.” It’s kind of sad - that someone so passionate about something such as you could easily burn out in a span of three years.You chalk it all up to the lack of inspiration and don’t really delve in to find out why you’ve been like this. 

Taemin looks at you like you’re going through some sort of pity party, and you don’t say anything. You know that you’re going through it anyway so why would you deny it? 

He slides back into his cubicle, leaving you alone to think about the regrets you’ve had since you were younger (twenty four is not that old, but it’s still older than the you from before). You think about your art and the multiple illustrations you’ve done in your old laptop with the drawing tablet you borrowed from your friend Junmyeon that he never got back (it’s not that you don’t want to return it, he simply just didn’t ask for it anymore and when you asked him if he wanted it back, he’d already bought a new and better one). 

Randomly, it hits you that you’ve never seen the girl in transit for three years now. That the last memory you have of her is her falling asleep on your shoulder and you purposely miss your bus stop just to spend more time with her. 

You wonder about where she is, if she’s already reaching for her dreams, or if she’s struggling just as much as you are. Maybe she’s out there travelling the world and exploring herself more than you’re doing with yourself, or maybe she’s trying to navigate this city despite being just as clueless and completely hopeless as you. There are many possible outcomes involving the girl you only meet during your travels and you don’t which one is more realistic. You don’t know her, and you can’t think of a possible outcome if you don’t know anything about her other than she gets off somewhere near Junmyeon’s neighborhood and that she has a sister. 

It makes you feel like an idiot, to be pining for a girl you’ve never actually had more than a few words with three years later. You don’t know why you’re this smitten either. Maybe it’s because of her face that looks like an angel, or maybe it’s because of the way she smiles at you like you’re more than just a confused and helpless boy. It’s a mystery, one that you don’t want to uncover because you’re afraid of it being over. 

The clock reads five-thirty in the afternoon and Taemin is already up from his cubicle, taking off his coat, leaving him in his moon patterned button up with long sleeves. He looks like an artist in every way. Taemin looks at you and takes another sigh, “You look miserable, Jongin. Come on, come with me to dinner.” 

“No thanks.” You respond, not wanting to become even more of a pitiful person. 

“Come on. My girlfriend’s going to treat me to meat and she told me I could bring a friend. She’s a model, you see. Not quite famous yet but she’s already walked for major brands in the country.” Taemin looks proud, and something inside of your chest aches for something like the happiness strewn all over his face. 

“She doesn’t even know me, this is going to make me feel embarrassed that I eat food at your mercy when I can pay for my own.” You groan, not wanting to be an object of sympathy anymore. 

The look on Taemin’s face is close to desperation and annoyance, you feel a bit guilty that you’re already being done good deeds but you decide to refuse due to your huge pride getting in the way. It’s the way of life, though. A man is nothing without his pride. 

“Come on Jongin! It’s not even that deep I just really want to get you out of this misery and feed you. Is that too much to ask?” Taemin is almost pleading and it takes you five more seconds before you finally say yes to his offer. He’s, well not him but his girlfriend, is giving you free food and who are you to say no to a blessing? 

You make it look more half-hearted than its supposed to be, and it makes you feel guilty because you should act more thankful than annoyed that you’re roped into this dinner celebration with Taemin and his girlfriend. The sour look on your face continues, though, due to the constantly nagging feeling that you should be doing more than what you are right now. 

The restaurant is not fancy, not by a long shot, but the place looks lively and filled with buzzing customers that look like they all have something to celebrate about life. It makes you feel jealous, yet happy at the same time that there is so much life around you and that everything is not as burnt out as you think. 

“Soojungie’s still in the tube so we’ll have to wait for a little longer. Are you alright with that?” Taemin asks and you nod as a response. 

You don’t mind waiting. You’ve waited all your life anyway, waited for the girl you’ve always been smitten about, waited for the right timing to finally chase your dreams and become an artist despite the huge possibility of struggling, and waited for the time where you would finally feel like the world is set into place. 

Taemin talks, but he only opens up small conversations probably due to the awkward silence that comes from your lack of words to say. You feel even more guilty, but you’re used to waiting in silence and keeping yourself from being loud. Taemin is a good friend, really, but he just doesn’t know you well enough. 

From your view, you see your friend’s eyes light up and you know immediately that his girlfriend’s here, judging by the way he smiles to the point where it reaches his eyes. You don’t look behind you, you just wait for his girlfriend to take the seat beside him to formally introduce yourself. 

Your heart, or what’s left of it, breaks though when you see her face. Angelic still, and even brighter than when you last saw her. Her hair stops just below her chest, and her cheeks are red - you assume that it’s make up, you don’t want to think about it being Taemin’s effect because you’ve nursed this whole crush on her for so long and she comes back and she’s one of your very few friends’ girlfriend. 

“This is Soojung, by the way.” Taemin beams as he introduces her to you. Soojung. So that’s her name. It sounds beautiful, just as beautiful as her. 

“Nice meeting you, Soojung. I’m Jongin.” You smile at her and you awkwardly extend your hand out to shake hers. It’s all forced. You don’t want to be here anymore, don’t want to see the girl you’ve been waiting for happy with the friend you appreciate more than anyone else in the world. It’s not Taemin’s fault, nor is it Soojung’s, it’s just a bad case of ‘it’s a small world after all’. 

Her eyes widen and suddenly, she’s smiling at you, but not the same way she smiled at you during those times in transit. “I remember you!” She exclaims gleefully, “You’re the one that saved me from paying for a cab when I fell asleep through the train ride back to my dorm. Taemin,  _ he’s  _ the guy!” 

Your friend smiles at you in gratitude, and maybe it hurts more than it should. “So you’re the guy who actually saved Soojung from walking home. Thank you, Jongin.” 

“That was so long ago… wow, I can’t believe you remember it.” You find yourself losing words more than you could think of them. It’s almost as if you can’t speak Korean anymore. What hurts you even more though is that she remembers you from your last meeting, but doesn’t mention anything about the bus ride to the country prior to that. 

“Of course! That was the time I was trying to get into as many go-sees as I can and I ended up with only a small amount of money left in my transit card, and not enough to pay for a cab when I checked my wallet.” Soojung laughs, and you think that it could be one of your favourite sounds in the world if it’s not a betrayal to Taemin. 

“Were you and Taemin already dating then?” You can’t help but ask.

“Well, not yet, but he’s my best friend since then. I’ve never really imagined what it’s like without him.” Soojung speaks of Taemin with so much love and happiness that you couldn’t find it in you to actually be unhappy about this. You’re hurt, yes, but you don’t exactly hold it against them either. 

Maybe a soju session with Junmyeon could fix this heartbreak, or disappointment, or whatever you want to call it. Tonight though, you just let things happen, and maybe it hurts but you allow yourself to not let your hurt get in the way of other people’s happiness. 

Although, you still find that her smile is one of your favorite sights in the world. It’s probably selfish, but you let yourself have that. After all, it’s all you can have, along with the memories of her in the in-betweens of going somewhere. Maybe that’s just the way life works, some people are from the starting point, and some are a part of the journey - but that doesn’t automatically mean that they’ll be there in the destination too. 


End file.
